Archives – November, 2008
Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
I’m out in Los Feliz (!?!?) last week with Karen waiting for this guy to get back to us about picking up a free TV, and we go to the Hollywood Gelato Company on Hillhurst. The gelato is good, and reasonably priced. The service? Friendly and prompt. The cupcakes. Were. Another. Story.
*DISCLAIMER*
This is not a joke. I know cupcakes are riding a wave of pop-culture relevance right now–”Lazy Sunday” started it and now there’s lines out the door at Sprinkles in Beverly Hills–but what you’re about to see is almost unfathomable. This picture is not Photoshopped.
The frosting is made from bald eagle heads.
That’s right. The mini cupcake you see–the one that’s about the size of a quarter–is $2.95. You can get a dozen donuts at the place down the street from my office for $2.95, or you can get two bites of cupcake. You can get two In-N-Out hamburgers for $2.95, or you can get a tablespoon of frosting on an ounce of cake. (On a side note, has anyone successfully discovered what red velvet is supposed to taste like? I really think the popularity of red velvet cupcakes is completely due to their name. If they were called “generic sweetness that maybe has chocolate or is it cherry,” I doubt they’d be experiencing a renaissance.)
The friendly scoopstress at Hollywood Gelato felt so embarrassed by the Zimbabwe-level inflation on the cupcakes that she gave me one for free. And it was terrible! Stale, dry and flavorless. This could only happen in a neighborhood like Los Feliz, where people will pay triple for anything that reminds them of wherever they lived before moving to LA. You know what, citizens of Los Feliz, Silver Lake, Echo Park and any of those other gentrified shitholes? If you like New York so much, STAY THERE! Don’t come out here, bitch about how LA isn’t as hip as Williamsburg and try to recreate your enclave of cultural elitism. We know Santa Monica doesn’t have the grit and quirkiness of the Village. We know that only tourists go to Hollywood and Highland. So what? At least we’re conscious of our altenate universe. You’re the insincere ones for wanting your lifestyle and our weather. And you know what else? Magnolia Bakery isn’t that good.
But at least they don’t charge $2.95 for a mini cupcake.
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Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
The crowd went wild when Tommy Lee took out his radioactive penis
I went to Motley Crüe last Friday (thanks Hobey for the ticket hook-up), where I learned a few things:
- Tommy Lee is the biggest dork in the world.
- Mick Mars and Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis might be the same person.
- Vince Neil sounds like a seven-year-old chick.
- In 2008, girls will still show their boobs if a guy on stage asks them to.
It was a very interesting crowd at the Hollywood Palladium: Guys in their 40s dressing like they did in their 20s; guys in their 20s dressing like that ironically; guys in their 20s dressing like that, but with a straight face; guys in their 40s wearing striped shirts and Diesel jeans; surgery- and sun-ravaged old chicks; drunk Mexicans who were stealing bottles from the Palladium bar; and lots and lots of jailbait, including the girl next to me with whom I shared the following exchange:
“Were you even alive when these guys were cool?”
“No. That’s why I’m awesome!!! OMG LOL BFF <3″
(Note: IM speak added for effect)
I scarcely need to mention that there was LOTS of Ed Hardy there. Once again, douchebags of the world, thanks for making it so easy to identify you.
Tags: 80s glam rock, shows
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Monday, November 10th, 2008
Those of you who’ve seen my car know that I’m the founding member of the Apple Racing Team. The Apple logo stickers I stuck on my Prius’ rear windows give it an increase of 7 mental horsepower (boosting its total HP to, uh, like, 79) and 13 snobbery points. Well, imagine my surprise when I found a kindred spirit–and, as an added bonus, they also drive a car in the “mini fridge on wheels” class! Unfortunately, this Honda Fit owner put the sticker on backwards and crooked. That’s actually worth -2 snobbery points. Or maybe it’s *ironically* backwards and crooked. In that case, +32.
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Thursday, November 6th, 2008
Once upon a time, like 2 weeks ago, I showed up on the first page of Google search results for “Steve Coy.” Now? Page 4. I’m losing major ground to the erstwhile new wave star and the South Dakota realtor Steve Coys. Granted, they were Steve Coy before I was, but look at them, for fuck’s sake:
What’s going on here? Shouldn’t I at least be in control of my own name’s Web presence? Watching your site tumble down the Google rankings, you truly feel helpless. My post-Obama optimism is officially gone.
On the plus side, I’m the #1 result for “stevealicious.”
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